Spilled Whine

Spilled Whine Episode 1

admin — Sat, 17 Jun 2006 02:03:57 +0000

Welcome to the first episode of Spilled Whine. Each week John and I will bring our listeners ego conflict on a profound level. Just getting this paragraph written about this particular episode has taken over an hour so far, with no end in sight (I put “site” but John corrected me). Well writing this out might take all night, but our first show is only an hour. Some of the topics we covered:

An investigation into Scotch
Where has all the propaganda gone? (Set 1, Set 2, Ten of Spades, Baby on a stick)
Attack of the Space Monkeys
Are you neutral on net neutrality?
The one minute Editorial - Men and their toolboxes
Hurricanes, Mopeds, and fire… A survival guide to living in Florida

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Spilled Whine Episode 2

Tom — Sat, 24 Jun 2006 02:17:03 +0000

After a hopelessly pretentious intro, treat yourself to a trip down technology memory lane, as well as talk of tesseracts, mixing boards, and 80’s slapstick comedy. Rather than reminiscing on romantic Parisian nights, we wax nostalgic about the prehistoric computer age, when daisy wheel printers and slow moving modems roamed and ruled the earth. And I find God in a still frame from King’s Quest. But wait, there’s more…

A look, or rather listen, into the name of our show
The mythic origins of game night
The Xbox 360 conspiracy - a 180 from single-console multiplayer social gaming?
The etymology of “Pwned”
Tom’s Atari Game contest - Poor sketch here

Spilled Whine Episode 3

John — Fri, 07 Jul 2006 17:34:23 +0000

Well, here it is, after a few day delay, our belated Fourth of July spectacular! Made possible in part by our spectacularly tentacular military-industrial complex, as well as by a generous donation of my time in editing and posting this episode. This week, we take an anthropological excursion to the heartland, led by a pair of intrepid explorers rivaling Indiana Jones in their tenacity and willingness to kill natives. You’ll find their findings, ranging in detail from food and shelter to exotic mating rituals, shocking. If this is the heart of our country, we may be in serious need of a bypass.

The source of the entertainment… The Menu

Spilled Whine Episode 4

Tom — Sat, 22 Jul 2006 02:37:09 +0000

Once again Teresa and I had to travel to distant uncharted backwaters of the American Southwest, thus causing a slight delay in getting this show produced. To everyone who has been waiting patiently for this show, we thank you, as the we are finally back to talk about one of the greatest places in the country to visit… Tooele, Utah. While traveling, the Delta SkyMall catalog became quite the laugh, and thus has been brought back to our studio for some fun. Sit back and enjoy another story about a trip to small town, and at the same time experience what happens when I get a new mic and mixer board, and over amp the microphones for distortion galore for an entire show.

The First “SkyMall catalog Quiz Show” (or, How to have fun with a Knife and a SkyMall catalog)
Three easy ways to get cancer on a trip to Utah
What the Fcuk’s a “DCUK”
I go crazy with game show sound effects

Spilled Whine Episode 5

Tom — Sat, 29 Jul 2006 01:58:42 +0000

It had to happen at one point or another, but the show had to get serious. No more talking about crazy destinations (altough we do talk a little about Pensacola), radiation or germ warefare. This show is a serious discussion about the secret the airlines do not want you to know about, not to mention a short intro to making money on the internet. Finally, Syncronicity plays with both John and me.

What a show sounds like without Teresa
Watch me cut John off about tennis
The Ultimate airline secret, just do not tell anyone
Jonesy from the USS Dallas tracking the Red October
Check out Rupert Murdoch’s new Myspace Page… He needs a few more friends
Help Google make money, Click our site
Microwave your brain? Cure a headache?

Spilled Whine Episode 6

John — Mon, 07 Aug 2006 16:33:10 +0000

Well, to the extent that anyone’s reading these posts, or, for that matter, listening to the show, here it is, the much-unanticipated episode 6. We at Spilled Whine have reached that part of the journey, where we must navigate the treacherous straights between casual conversation and focused discussion. Help us negotiate that delicate balance between spontaneity and rigor, tangentiality and concentration. In other words, if we can stay on topic for more than five minutes, we’ll be happy. Anyway, Teresa joins us once again for some threesome fun. I try to investigate the mysteries of the internet economy, but the two T’s mock me mercilessly, and I huddle in the corner and cry. But I recover eventually, and we tackle such topics as:

Congressional gaming – our representatives in DC finally deal with the pressing issue of our time: fellatio in Grand Theft Auto. Then listen in on the fun, as Sen. Brownback of Kansas challenges Hillary Clinton to a blood gulch death match, Sen. Lieberman becomes a proud new member of the thieves guild, Senate Majority Whip Mitch McConnell achieves seventh level emanation and slays the evil dragon of Althgor, and President Bush finally gets past world 1-2 of Super Mario Bros, with Dick Cheney’s help of course.

Some time spent on YouTube and MySpace - Rupert Murdoch’s still begging us to make him one of our “friends.” He just won’t leave us alone. And we beg The Courtneys to make us their friends.

A Fortean discussion of Charles Fort – Tom summons a downpour of trout in the pod-chamber, using an ancient Hopi rain dance and a super secret cheat from Oblivion.

Spilled Whine Episode 7

Tom — Sun, 13 Aug 2006 13:50:52 +0000

1293… 5454… 3453… 2474… 4617… 3636… What does it mean? My crew and I tackle one of the biggest mysteries since Wonderbread, number stations. Preparedness was at an all time high as Teresa brought her own computer and finally had the power to play her own sounds on the show.

The first “Tech Tip” ever
This radio broadcast sponsored by the NSA… “If we can’t hear you, no one can”
I brake for attack squirrels

Spilled Whine Episode 8

John — Mon, 21 Aug 2006 16:54:14 +0000

Well, after a particularly painful editing process (yes, we here at Spilled Whine are committed to delivering the best product possible to you, our massive throng of loyal listeners), it’s increasingly apparent that we’re in desperate need of Ritalin, or perhaps some other form of dopamine reuptake inhibitor (cocaine anyone?…it worked for Freud and Sherlock Holmes). On this amazingly high caliber episode (already voted best podcast ever in the history of podcasts by The International Registry of Podcasts and Podcasters, the official self-regulatory body of all things pod in the whole wide world), Tom the Ramblin’ Man rants and rambles on about Radio Shack and disenchantment at Toys R’ Us, everyone’s favorite (corporate) sanctuary of childhood (consumer) innocence, and I laugh along in high-pitched hyena-like hysterics, while Teresa reveals herself as the reasonable one, staying on topic and actually saying something lucid. We start with a discussion of the hot and heavy romance underlying the Cold War, a sort of extension of last week’s number station special, and things spiral downward from there. But, hey, it’s still worth an hour plus of your time, promise.

Continuing with the continuing mystery of number stations, and the good old days of alluring undercover spies and other Cold War games.
Fancy Feast treats for cute little kitties. 4/5 of the world’s population in poverty, and we’re feeding our pets lobster bisque and whipped egg soufflé. Which we’ll be eating on next week’s show. Fill up a bowl, get down on all fours, and join us.
We barely touch the tip of the tail of the dragon, before it turns around and burns us to a crisp. We may need to give Cesar Millan the Dog Whisperer a call - I hear he’s branching out into behavioral training for mythical creatures. Sign up quick for his new unicorn housebreaking course while space is still available!
The case of the cryptozoological demon dog hybrid in Maine. But what you’ve really got to look out for up there is the dreaded evil lobster-shark combo. Or is that the new early bird special at Red Lobster?

Spilled Whine Episode 9

John — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 16:45:41 +0000

If we could somehow bottle the magic, the sheer energy, stronger than the strongest of the strong nuclear forces, more mysterious than the darkest of dark matter, more powerful than the sun’s fusion, more, um, gravitational than the black hole at the center of our galaxy, that is this podcast, we could solve our and the whole world’s energy problems. Just imagine, a brave new world fueled by the entirely renewable and sustainable resource of Spilled Whine. Come, join us, as we move towards this glorious future, in which our children and our children’s children will finally live in peace, free of fear and worry, all of humanity in harmony, all the various races and religions finding common ground to walk and talk on, and all the different species getting together and gettin’ it on and makin’ out and shit. That would be so awesome. Now, if we could only stop making shitty shows, we’d be on our way. Here’s the latest debacle.

Tom’s thoughts on the sticky subject of stickers on digital equipment. To peel or not to peel, that is a question not even worth posing. But we do so anyway. And don’t even get me started on those impossible plastic cases. What if you buy your very first set of scissors, just to cut those fucking cases, only to have it come in exactly that sort of casing? It’s a catch-22, or a Mobius strip, or something along those lines. Whatever, those plastic cases piss me off.
We mourn our no longer ninth planet Pluto. It couldn’t afford the latest increase in membership fees. Times are tough out there in the outer rim of the solar system. While all the other prosperous planets get to play golf on manicured courses and eat foie gras at the clubhouse, poor Pluto now has to play tennis on shitty public courts and eat drive through at Arby’s.
We tackle the dreaded “How many sides does a circle have?” question. I say none and stick to it, while Tom flip-flops more than John Kerry strolling along the beach. One, or two, or infinity…well, what’s it gonna be, Tom? The American people will not tolerate any wavering, especially during this time of war.
And I try to back up my answer with a pompous philosophy lecture. At the time I think Tom’s taking notes on his computer, but I learn later he was downloading mixing-board on compressor porn. Tom just can’t get enough of that hot hardware on hardware action.

Spilled Whine Episode 10

Teresa — Fri, 08 Sep 2006 14:28:46 +0000

Due to the previous poster’s inability to communicate a single thought within a single sentence - this person has been sacked… and now for something completely different.

Can software engineers put out a good rap?
Is Katherine Harris made of plastic? Or is she just legislating SIN!
Fast Food Giant is brought to its knees by the humble Hedgehog.
Fetus in Fetu stew - compleat with hair.
The ongoing circle debate comes to a dire end.
WARNING: Repeated Monty Python references are used in this episode.

Spilled Whine Episode 11

Tom — Fri, 15 Sep 2006 20:28:54 +0000

As is often said, “The best laid plans of mice and men often goes awry,” and with the case of this episode, it holds true. John came up with the perfect idea for this show, and with a little planning it would have been beautiful, but alas, Teresa and I slacked off and did not put in our fair amount of work. So instead we will bring you the following ad-hoc demonstration of unbridled talent.

I’ll scratch your eyes out - a few friendly felines join the show for an intense discussion of property ownership and its third world ramifications
John drinks scotch in praise of Scots tennis player Andy Murray and considers joining a yachting club, that is until I mention the start of the 2006 Football season
A brief look back at the fascinating but ridiculous show 24, and a plan for ripping it apart this season
We talk like nerds
A quick romp through the hilarity of “Best of Craigslist”
Number of drinks spilled - 1 (Use your observational skills to find out when it occurs on the show)

Spilled Whine Episode 12

John — Mon, 02 Oct 2006 16:36:06 +0000

Attentive listeners may notice the absence of the usual pleasantries at the beginning of this show. Please believe this isn’t for any newly acquired boorishness or lack of manners. We here at Spilled Whine, in our endless pursuit to bring you the best product possible, have recently updated our equipment. Off with the heads of the old, and on with the new! Even if that means a shitty show or two, or a Reign of Terror here and there. For, during the recording session, some of our precious, oh so precious, vocals were lost, taken hostage by the nefarious forces of misused software. Emergency alpha squads and delta teams were assembled, in a frantic attempt to salvage and edit what remained of the podcast. I led the recovery effort. Now, as longtime leader of alpha squad and delta team, I’ve seen many things in my day, but never a scene of such horrific dismemberment as this. Imagine a field, bloody with body parts strewn every which way, a head here, a torso there, limbs lying at unnatural angles. At first, I thought all hope lost. Then it dawned on me. With the latest recording and editing software at my disposal, I could bring back to life what lay disfigured and dead around me. So I gathered up all the corpse parts I could find, took them back to my private laboratory, and began the unholy experiment of reassembly and reanimation. Gradually, as the pieces were pieced together, piece-by-piece, the once dead show started to show signs of life once more, the cold skin slowly growing warm. And, finally, the eyes flickered open, and I reached to the sky and chanted triumphantly, IT’S ALIVE, IT’S ALIVE! An offense to God and Nature, maybe, but what a kick-ass podcast! Relax, sit back, and enjoy this beastly abomination.

I needle and tease Tom about his sympathy for Cryptozoology. I try to get him to take a swing at me, but he remains his usual affable, unflappable self.
Teresa talks of Little Lucy. She thinks Little L’s cute. The adoption papers are in process as we speak.
Tom rips into Lesley Stahl. We here at Spilled Whine say, let the children gamble. They can pay their own damn college tuition.
I deliver my Ode to Roger Federer. It’s universally declared awesome. In your face Pindar!
The time has come. We finally feast on Fancy Feast. I think it’s disgusting, Teresa fakes tasting it, and Tom spends the rest of the show spreading it on bread, with a very hungry and happy look on his face.
Teresa smuggles some strange message from Japan. We throw her in an internment camp. Hey, in times of war…